Have you ever wondered what love is? Webster╒s Dictionary defines love as ╥a powerful emotion felt for another person manifesting itself in deep affection, devotion, or sexual desire.╙ This describes romantic love. Buddhism teaches that the highest form of love is compassionate love, not romantic love. From a young age, however, we as a society are taught to revere romantic love. We are saturated with the media╒s view of romantic love, idyllic and beautiful. From fairy-tales to classic English literature, we are taught to believe in the transformative powers of romantic love. But if romantic love is so wonderful, why do half of all marriages end in divorce? How can something that makes one feel high and enthusiastic turn one so quickly to hate and despair. Perhaps it is not the emotion, love, that changes, but the individual feeling that emotion.
We╒ve all known the couple that fights bitterly, constantly embroiled in a battle of wills, each seeking to get what they want from the relationship, neither willing to give. They are like two parasites feeding until all the resources are gone and both leave, filled with dissatisfaction, anger and hate. We╒d like to think that these people started out with open hearts and a longing for fulfillment and companionship. How did something that started out with love and joy end so dismally in negative emotions and bad feelings?
In traditional Buddhist thought, romantic love was viewed with blatant negativity because it was such a volatile emotion. Love can span most of the ten worlds (peaking in rapture and descending into hell), proving its volatility. Compassionate love was seen as impartial and limitless╤platonic love as the purist form of love, while romantic love was seen as shallow and transient. ╥Where as the traditional view of love and desire associated with Shakyamuni seeks to eliminate desire, Nichiren Daishonin teaches us that desire is healthy and unavoidable; desire is a fundamental, unavoidable aspect of living. In order to live we must want to go on living,╙ (What is Love, DeRoussse) . Nichiren Daishonin teaches us not to suppress our desires, but to chant for them. Consequently we chant for love and companionship, someone with a good sense of humor, and to avoid the three poisons of Anger, Greed and Stupidity, that seek to destroy our relationship. These evils are manifested in personality clashes, emotional problems, financial problems, sexual problems, family problems, financial disagreements, etc. Buddhism is realistic; it recognizes that negative forces are inherent in romantic relationships and encourages us to challenge our own problems and take responsibility for our own karma.
The true purpose of our Buddhist practice is to make us completely happy. We are taught, and rightfully so, that we possess everything we need to be happy, ╥Seeking it outside ourselves is not only futile, but can be a cause of great suffering,╙ (What is Love, DeRousse). We know this intellectually but do we respect this belief? Do we seek a relationship with another person to work out and face our problems, or do we seek to fill a void in our lives, eradicate a childhood trauma, or maybe to feel loved because we are unsure of our self-worth? In The Road Less Traveled, Scott Peck believes that, ╙Lasting enlightenment or true spiritual growth can be achieved only through the persistent exercise of true love.╙ He goes on:
╥The ultimate goal of life remains the spiritual growth of the individual, the solitary journey to peaks that can be climbed only alone. Significant journeys cannot be accomplished without the nurture provided by a successful marriage or a successful society. Marriage and society exist for the sole purpose of nurturing such individual journeys...Genuine love not only respects the individuality of the other, but actually seeks to cultivate it, even at the risk of separation or loss.╙
Peck believes a fundamental belief of Buddhism╤that the spiritual journey, i.e. the relationship to the Gohonzon, should be the foundation for all other relationships. ╥The higher our life-condition, the better our chances of forging successful and lasting relationships╤the most ideal foundation for any close relationship is Buddhahood, characterized by a deep spiritual bond and the wisdom, respect and compassion that naturally develop when we chant,╙ (What is Love, DeRousse).
Love is a ╥many splendored thing.╙ It is also, like the Gohonzon, a reflection of our life condition. We all have the potential to bring playful, nurturing, loving partners into our lives and to face the inherent challenges in our relationships. Love is the most life-affirming aspect of our practice, but self acceptance with or without a significant other is far better than depending on another to fill our needs.
Bibliography:
1. What is Love; The World Tribune, Monday, November 28th & Monday, December 5th. Craig DeRousse
